Latecoming >.<

Posted on request of Sophia. Posted because it is cute anyway after all the context of the original purpose of this piece is no longer relevant anyway. =x

Have you been a latecomer today?

Reasons for late coming

Priorities

When it comes to something important, like your first date or your graduation ceremony or your plane trip, most people will not be late. Most people would be early. If you find that you are not late for some meetings, but are late for others, PRIORITIES is your reason for latecoming. If not, look at SLOTH and GROSS TIME MISMANAGEMENT.

Sloth

If you are rendered unable to move by your low energy or large mass or both resulting in too much inertia, that is SLOTH, one of the 7 cardinal sins. Increasing your energy or lowering your mass or both could help you overcome inertia. Increasing your mass and lowering your energy could also help in theory, for you will soon exert enough of a gravitational pull to attract the meeting to you or distort space-time. In which case, sloth will cause you to be late ALL the time.

Gross Time Mismanagement

You severely miscalculated the time and effort needed to get to the meeting location. Everything is known to you but you are probably someone who fails math or logic or both.

External factors

You are locked in a jail cell whose bars you cannot overcome (EXTERNAL FACTOR). You broke a leg before the meeting time so that hindered your movement speed (Note that if you broke a leg and went hospital the reasons will be PRIORITIES though). You get caught in an unanticipated traffic jam before the meeting time, lowering your movement speed. (Note that if you are caught in an anticipated traffic jam that is a matter of PRIORITY though because you have not made allocations for it). These factors occur occasionally for most people.

Main reason for latecoming?

I am going to make a sweeping generalization and say that most of the time, it is due to Priorities. It could be also about Gross Time Mismanagement, I get Cs for my math all the time. Sloth is least commonly seen.

Pros of latecoming

1) More time for yourself

Comments: Need I say more?

2) Illusion of importance

Comments: Everyone waits for YOU. You get an ego boost and more endorphins.

Cons of latecoming

1) Overall drop in group efficiency

Comments: Everyone stones and waits for you. Unproductive for group.

2) Group realization that you are disrespecting their time, or worse, them

Comments: Every meeting you gather the time of everyone else and sacrifice them on the altar on which you are on the pedestal. How long will it take for them to realize that and start taking action against you?

Whatever the reason is, you do not want people to focus on your latecoming habits, because it is bad news to have people think that they are not your top priority or that you are a lazy person or a fail-math person.

Why become a successful latecomer?

While the cons are disturbing, the pros are excellent. After all, who is more important than yourself? Though I do not claim to be a competent latecomer (I am terrible in fact), but I am learning. Here are some tips and tricks that I have learned over these couple of years that appear to be effective:

Latecoming Tactics 101

1) Be late every time

Comments: Using the tactic of inoculating your publics, they will be gradually used to the fact that you are late and this will become a non-issue. Whereas if you are not consistent, your latecoming will stick out like a sore thumb in your record. Yes, be late even when you take a cab down, just for the sake of consistency.

2) Believe that your time is more important than anyone else’s and IMPOSE that belief on them.

Comments: Being the selfish way we are, of course we know that our time is more important than other’s. The trick lies with IMPOSING the belief. Encase yourself with an aura of self importance. Pick up more socially acceptable vices like courses or sleeping or boy-girl relationships. Use them as excuses when they ask for one, do not offer them yourself.

3) Inform the coordinator less than 15 mins before the meeting starts

Comments: Right before the meeting so you are less at fault. Directly before the meeting so no one can bug you about your latecoming because they have more important things on their mind. After all, the early comers can always entertain each other.

4) Take a cab to the meeting or at least pretend that you have. (But still be late anyway) Remember to tell everyone that you have taken a cab

Comments: Since you spent so much money and energy getting to the meeting, albeit late, they should appreciate the effort else it will be inhumane.

5) Believe that you are early

Comments: Make sure everyone thinks so too. Ask them why are they so early to bring the point home.

6) Positive attitude when late

Comments: Looking flustered will gain you sympathy points. Giggling and smiling will bring about distraction from the issue that you are late because flirting is effective and will raise the overall endorphin level of the meeting. Sashaying in will gain you style points.

7) Contingency diversionary tactics

Comments: This requires a quick mind. Enter the meeting grounds and note anything controversial. Like “Ahhh!... You cut your hair. So ugly. Where you cut one?” Your latecoming issue will be missed.

8) Make small improvements, but still be late and then make sure everyone knows that you are trying. But remember to be still late.

Comments: Everyone likes to hear sob stories of one who tries hard but doesn’t succeed. Occasional improvements will lighten your guilt (if you feel any) and their blames.

9) Be creative!

Comments: Do not know why I placed this point. That is what people do when they run out of points apparently. So deal with it.

Start being a latecomer today!

Practice makes perfect! Every lie you tell will make it easier! Every bit of time you save by being late will make you yearn for more as you feel empowered from all the extra time and endorphins that you are going to get!