Sanctuary 
Look Me in the Eye
In one of the episodes in season 1 of Ally Mcbeal, Billy (Ally's ex) tells Ally that while they used to lock eyes during sex, he and Georgia (his wife) don't really look at each other during the act. There was the question of whether people only look at their partners during sex if they really are in love with that person. So I wondered, when I have sex, would I be able to tell if I truly love that person and if he loves me if we look at each other, and what would it mean if we didn't. Then it suddenly occurred to me that I was once told that it was rude to stare when kissing someone (no, I wasn't being scolded for staring at someone while kissing him....), and I quite think this is right, so wouldn't it be impolite to look at someone during sex?
It is possible that looking at your partner during sex helps to coordinate simultaneous orgasms, which are supposed to increase the chances of the female getting pregnant. Thus, it would follow that if you really are in love with someone, and you are having sex with that someone (and assuming that this is true also for the other party), you both are likely to be in sync during sex, and since people in love are much more likely to want a pregnancy than people having one night stands, simultaneous orgasms are likely to follow, which would increase the chance of fertilisation occurring, and if looking at each other helps them orgasm at the same time, people in love would tend to look at each other during sex.
Ok. That extra long sentence is confusing me too. In short: people in love more likely than people not in love to want to pregnancy to occur -> simultaneous orgasms increases chances of pregnancy occuring -> looking at partner during sex boosts chances of simultaneous orgasms -> people in love likely to look at each other during sex. Or something like that.
Back to me looking at partner during sex (no not bridge partner don't be disgusting). I somehow think this may be a rare occurence, if it ever does occur. In the first place, I'm still quite a stickler for the staring-while-kissing-is-impolite 'rule'. And I have problems looking at people anyway. Maybe it's due to a lack of self-confidence. Malcolm commented that I don't really look at people when I talk to them. I know I don't. But I'm not sure why. Maybe I like to look around too much. Maybe I'll get bored if I keep looking at someone while talking to them (I know that when I stare at my lecturer/professor while he/she is talking I usually am not really listening haha). I do know that when I first met my current semi-fixed bridge partner (term coined by him, not me; not sure if this really describes the situation fully, but that is another story. What DOES it mean anyway? Is it the relationship equivalent of an open marriage, or in friendster terms, 'it's complicated'?) because he offered to give me a ride home from NUS, I only had a vague idea of how he looked like after I got down from the car. It didn't matter that he got lost on the way to my house, making the usual 10-15 minute journey a 1/2 an hour one. I looked out the left window, out the windscreen, at my file, in my file, at the door, and basically everywhere else except at him for the 30 minutes. I have to admit that it was because I was kind of too shy to look at him >.<. But even with people I know well, I still don't really look at them when I talk to them.
Slight detour here. When I am in the passenger seat of cars, the driver (male of course, but that's because my mother doesn't drive and most of the people I know with a driver's licence and access to a car are males.... or maybe not =P) tends to get lost. It absolutely does not help that I cannot read the street directory properly. I couldn't do map reading for Geography in Secondary school until a miracle happened in Sec 4 and I could suddenly get 10/10, instead of the usual 2/10 (even lower than the probability calculated average of 2.5/10 for guessing an answer out of 4). I think it really isn't me, it's them, because they seem to be able to get lost whether I'm there or not (given by the length of time I have to wait for them to appear sometimes). So there. No more complaints about female drivers, ya? (Nothing mentioned about female Vehicle Commanders here heehee). But I still maintain that I am better than giving directions than my cousin, who just after I got my licence, told me when I was driving down the AYE on the rightmost lane in a manual car that had no power steering that I had to exit immediately (pointing to a very visible exit on the far far far left lane), because that was his exit, and he didn't know how to get back from the next exit =X.
So back the the staring bit. I remember when I was in RGS, my friend told me that her dad told her that when you talk to people, you should always look them in the eye because that was the polite thing to do. I decided that it was probably correct, so I tried to do that. Shortly after, during some really boring assembly, I was yanked out of my class for talking to my classmate. (That teacher really had something against me. My classmate was allowed to remain seated. This wasn't my first brush with that teacher, but I really have no idea why she disliked me that much, considering she hardly knew me, not having taught me a single subject, not being me ECA teacher, and not even being in the same House as me.) Another student from another class was also being disciplined by being made to stand next to her. There was this really bizarre part where the teacher came up to me and whispered something that I thought was 'They are taking the flower pots out' (I am quite sure I heard her wrongly, but I'll never know =X). So I stared blankly at her and she retorted 'I thought you'd like to know what is going on'. Then later she dragged the both of us aside and reprimanded us on talking during assembly. Being nice and young and innocent, I decided that it would only be right if I looked right at her and accepted her scolding properly. Believe me, that was really hard to do. But of course, it backfired with her telling me that I was being isolent, unlike the other student who was showing remorse by looking at the floor. So I got to stand next to her somemore while the other student returned to her place, and I gave up on trying to get my eyes to focus on people when I talked to them. (You can read more about my brushes with discipline in my school days here =b)
Thus, I think that I will never be able to actually lock eyes with anyone during sex, even if I am totally utterly in love with them. It's not polite, and it isn't in me to do that anyway. Apologies to my future sex partner(s)/boyfriend(s)/husband (this one I quite insist on having only one >.<) should you feel slighted that I don't look at you during sex. Perhaps if it affects you that much you could try to link pleasure and eye-locking in my brain by catching my eye during sex, holding my gaze and giving me a really, really, big orgasm =D.
It is possible that looking at your partner during sex helps to coordinate simultaneous orgasms, which are supposed to increase the chances of the female getting pregnant. Thus, it would follow that if you really are in love with someone, and you are having sex with that someone (and assuming that this is true also for the other party), you both are likely to be in sync during sex, and since people in love are much more likely to want a pregnancy than people having one night stands, simultaneous orgasms are likely to follow, which would increase the chance of fertilisation occurring, and if looking at each other helps them orgasm at the same time, people in love would tend to look at each other during sex.
Ok. That extra long sentence is confusing me too. In short: people in love more likely than people not in love to want to pregnancy to occur -> simultaneous orgasms increases chances of pregnancy occuring -> looking at partner during sex boosts chances of simultaneous orgasms -> people in love likely to look at each other during sex. Or something like that.
Back to me looking at partner during sex (no not bridge partner don't be disgusting). I somehow think this may be a rare occurence, if it ever does occur. In the first place, I'm still quite a stickler for the staring-while-kissing-is-impolite 'rule'. And I have problems looking at people anyway. Maybe it's due to a lack of self-confidence. Malcolm commented that I don't really look at people when I talk to them. I know I don't. But I'm not sure why. Maybe I like to look around too much. Maybe I'll get bored if I keep looking at someone while talking to them (I know that when I stare at my lecturer/professor while he/she is talking I usually am not really listening haha). I do know that when I first met my current semi-fixed bridge partner (term coined by him, not me; not sure if this really describes the situation fully, but that is another story. What DOES it mean anyway? Is it the relationship equivalent of an open marriage, or in friendster terms, 'it's complicated'?) because he offered to give me a ride home from NUS, I only had a vague idea of how he looked like after I got down from the car. It didn't matter that he got lost on the way to my house, making the usual 10-15 minute journey a 1/2 an hour one. I looked out the left window, out the windscreen, at my file, in my file, at the door, and basically everywhere else except at him for the 30 minutes. I have to admit that it was because I was kind of too shy to look at him >.<. But even with people I know well, I still don't really look at them when I talk to them.
Slight detour here. When I am in the passenger seat of cars, the driver (male of course, but that's because my mother doesn't drive and most of the people I know with a driver's licence and access to a car are males.... or maybe not =P) tends to get lost. It absolutely does not help that I cannot read the street directory properly. I couldn't do map reading for Geography in Secondary school until a miracle happened in Sec 4 and I could suddenly get 10/10, instead of the usual 2/10 (even lower than the probability calculated average of 2.5/10 for guessing an answer out of 4). I think it really isn't me, it's them, because they seem to be able to get lost whether I'm there or not (given by the length of time I have to wait for them to appear sometimes). So there. No more complaints about female drivers, ya? (Nothing mentioned about female Vehicle Commanders here heehee). But I still maintain that I am better than giving directions than my cousin, who just after I got my licence, told me when I was driving down the AYE on the rightmost lane in a manual car that had no power steering that I had to exit immediately (pointing to a very visible exit on the far far far left lane), because that was his exit, and he didn't know how to get back from the next exit =X.
So back the the staring bit. I remember when I was in RGS, my friend told me that her dad told her that when you talk to people, you should always look them in the eye because that was the polite thing to do. I decided that it was probably correct, so I tried to do that. Shortly after, during some really boring assembly, I was yanked out of my class for talking to my classmate. (That teacher really had something against me. My classmate was allowed to remain seated. This wasn't my first brush with that teacher, but I really have no idea why she disliked me that much, considering she hardly knew me, not having taught me a single subject, not being me ECA teacher, and not even being in the same House as me.) Another student from another class was also being disciplined by being made to stand next to her. There was this really bizarre part where the teacher came up to me and whispered something that I thought was 'They are taking the flower pots out' (I am quite sure I heard her wrongly, but I'll never know =X). So I stared blankly at her and she retorted 'I thought you'd like to know what is going on'. Then later she dragged the both of us aside and reprimanded us on talking during assembly. Being nice and young and innocent, I decided that it would only be right if I looked right at her and accepted her scolding properly. Believe me, that was really hard to do. But of course, it backfired with her telling me that I was being isolent, unlike the other student who was showing remorse by looking at the floor. So I got to stand next to her somemore while the other student returned to her place, and I gave up on trying to get my eyes to focus on people when I talked to them. (You can read more about my brushes with discipline in my school days here =b)
Thus, I think that I will never be able to actually lock eyes with anyone during sex, even if I am totally utterly in love with them. It's not polite, and it isn't in me to do that anyway. Apologies to my future sex partner(s)/boyfriend(s)/husband (this one I quite insist on having only one >.<) should you feel slighted that I don't look at you during sex. Perhaps if it affects you that much you could try to link pleasure and eye-locking in my brain by catching my eye during sex, holding my gaze and giving me a really, really, big orgasm =D.
posted by Shelly at 4:25 AM
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